Bipolar disorder may be a scientific explanation for how a mystic/shaman is created, but not why.

A few days ago I introduced the topic of bipolar disorder and how it may relate to shamanism. I had another spiritual experience from the use of weed, and I’ve realized that while my hypomania is responsible for how I became a mystic, it is not responsible for why. I’ve realized that in a lot of ways my whole life has been bipolar. One of my first memories is of a seizure I had from Gastaut occipital lobe epilepsy which would give me disturbing hallucinations and terrifying vivid nightmares until age 7 when I had a grand mal and had to get airlifted from my elementary school to the nearest hospital. But thanks to western medicine, I made a full recovery and never had another seizure. But I also grew up as a sensitive individual with a father who instilled in me toxic masculinity and a mother who developed into an alcoholic and a narcissist.

In many ways my whole life up until age 20 was a dark night of the soul, and in order to endure the pain and trauma I went through, I biologically triggered hypomania which in-turn brought me closer to God in order to cope. I actually had a 5 hour phone call with my dad in which I released 10+ years of pain and rage in 5 hours which ultimately triggered my first hypomanic episode and spiritual experience. A big part of the physical high/ecstasy I felt was due to me releasing so much deep pain and tension all at once. But on a spiritual level I had unknowingly dissolved my own ego in order to experience God for the first time. For me it was as if the spiritual awakening, which lasted about 5 days until I was hospitalized, was God’s reward to me for enduring all of the trauma I was given and not trying to end my life. And ever since that climactic moment in my life, I’ve left the low part of my life and started riding the high by being closer to God. But through a scientific lens, I think my trauma may have triggered a bunch of activity to the parts of the brain responsible for spiritual experiences, and those parts of the brain are now much more active than the average person’s. And antipsychotic medications likely block out activity from those parts of the brain, which for some people could be very beneficial given how hard it can be to balance spirituality with the society we live in.

But what the bipolar tag still doesn’t explain is why I was born with these traumatic events/structures in my life that triggered my hypomania and in-turn my ability to connect with God. And I believe the answer to that is truly spiritual.