Stuck on step 1

I’ve been in Al anon for over 3 years and I’m still stuck on the first step. Some days I feel like I have accepted that I’m not in control and then the next day I am trying to catch him in a lie. I have spent more time than I’d like to admit trying to get him to come clean. He lies to me everyday. I KNOW he’s been drinking but he still tells me he hasn’t or tells me he’s only had one when he’s obviously intoxicated. I have thought about going to great lengths to prove to him I know the truth. Even thought about breathalyzers or cameras but I know these things are working completely against step 1. After all these years why haven’t I learned? Maybe I’m not cut out for this? What if I never get past step one and find out one day I’ve wasted all my life trying to.